Look at All These Korean Toys Coming to the US All Majestic and Sh*t!

"Wobbles the Mind" (wobblesthemind) 11/14/2016 at 06:20 • Filed to: Hyundai, Kia, Genesis

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I keep talking about Genesis-Hyundai-Kia (GHK) because no one else is. How often do manufacturers release entirely new nameplates? Products they have NEVER offered before? Completely original and bootlegged ideas without any in-house predecessors? Pictured above is the tester for Hyundai’s upcoming Nissan Juke competitor. But while I’m looking over at FCA who can’t launch a damn sedan in the USofA, let alone anything all new between its seeming 10-brands-on-2-platforms, Hyundai-Kia has four or five completely new nameplates coming every gitdim year ! Let me try to list this sh*t right quick and in a hurry, kin.

Hyundai is going to launch a subcompact CUV below the Tucson. It will probably have the name of a city in the American Southwest that you rarely visit unless you have family that lives nearby. Im thinking exotic places such as Havasu or Reno.

The Santa Cruz crossover utility truck (CUT) which will be inbetween the size of a Tucson and a Santa Fe. Hyundai don’t give a ffuuuu about your Ridgelines, Colorados, Canyons, Frontiers, Tacomas, Rangers, open-bed Wranglers (I thought ya’ll said this was a dead segment), and Mercedes X-Classes! The Santa Cruz is going to be “compact” while all those other trucks are “midsized.” Can’t lose a competition that you never entered into it, son! We goin’ first period GYM in here!!

The Ioniq -line which includes a hybrid electric (HEV) version that beats the Prius Eco with a rating of 58 mpg combined, a plug-in hybrid electric (PHEV) version which will likely have 32 miles of electric range, and a battery electric (BEV) version that may be able to go 155 miles on a charge.

Then they have this N-Performance bull pizzle! Dumb as f*ck!! I know you’re calling that mess N just because all you need to do is flip the gitdim stylized- H badge around, ya cheap bastards... Seriously, how dafaq are these motherhuggers gonna create a performance brand AFTER they spin-off every vehicle that is RWD, can utilize HTRAC AWD, are V8 and TTV6 ready, command higher price points, and have better trained service providers and technicians? What are you going to make after an Elantra or Veloster? A hot Tucson, a warm Santa Fe? Wait, I understand the naming scheme now! That’s actually hilarious.

Now privy this Genesis luxury brand launching, just as much a luxury brand as privy is a verb, kin. We don’t get brand new consumer luxury brands in the US often. Usually we’ll get returning nameplates or something that’s been around overseas for decades. Think about this, we got Acura (‘86), Lexus (‘89), and Infiniti (‘89) then a looong gap until Tesla (‘04) but they weren’t a consumer luxury brand until like 2012. Can’t count Fisker even though the car itself ought to be a Saab with how often it pops up in somebody else’s hands.

Hyundai is confident that they can launch a luxury brand while starting a performance brand, building “class-leading” hybrid vehicles, breaking into the truck segment, working on autonomous technology in-house, being the lead sponsors for every professional sport that matters in the US, and competing in the most competitive automotive global market in history during a time where a 28 year-old can build a car faster than a 918, one dude wants to nuke Mars and build batteries, and Christian von Koenigsegg is a freaking time travelling warlock putting on an interdimensional cable show called, “Teach the Monkeys.”

Dont get me wrong, the luxury brand is probably priority one or six-ish. The G80 and G90 aren’t anything new, they are just the second generation Genesis and Equus. Honestly they haven’t released a real Genesis product yet, well in my opinion at least, but I’m just fourteen ferrets on an Etch-a-Sketch so I can’t be trusted. Let’s have a look at what never before attempted products are coming from Genesis!

First up is the 3-Series alternative Genesis G70 Sedan . Hyundai is saying it’s a premium/near-luxury/entry-level car which all means that this is still a Hyundai-Plus subscription service. I’m not gonna lie, I’m excited for it though! Nothing like RWD vehicles for under $35,000 from brands that use a lot of incentives, a lot of rental cars, and suffer heavy upfront depreciation. There will be a G70 Coupe which is likely to be the first full-on product specifically developed for the Genesis brand.

There’s also a compact CUV and midsize CUV , both of which are being built off of RWD platforms so that’s pretty fetch. Don’t know what the SUV nomenclature will be! XG70? GQ80? OG triple OG triple..triple...OG?

*cough*

*sniff*

*scratch*

Mmph! Well gitdim, that’s a lot of ‘all new’ piles to come our way all majestically and sh*t. Hey, all this while keeping the current lineup, well excluding their sportscar the Genesis Coupe (which is dead), their flagship sedan the Azera (which is as good as dead), and their European-style handling hatch the Elantra GT (which I’m just calling Zed for now). Nothing important in there for a brand that will be front and center at the Superbowl. Not like they could end up perpetuating a Kanye rhyme or anything.

*yawn*

*stretch*

*did you yawn?*

Yo, Kia’s got toys too?!

Wait, we got Kia coming out with a cut-price, RWD, 420 hp V8, slightl smaller Audi A7 4-door liftback?! It’ll be on sale next year?!! Why am I still wearing pants?!!!

Wait, they “might” bring the Borrego back as a discount attractive Infiniti QX80 fighter instead of having LeBron fart around inside a boat and calling it a luxury sedan?! Did anyone ask for that? I mean, yeah I wrote letters but didn’t think anyone read them...

Wait, they are using the technology from the Ioniq lineup in their own dedicated hybrid vehicle that is marketed as a compact CUV instead of a hatchback? Isn’t that like totally the vehicle variant that’s sooo hawt right now? Oh, Kia wants to build an all electric version of it too? Well I wouldn’t worry about it if I were Hyundai, it isn’t like Infiniti’s dealerships forced the company to call the Q30 hatchback a QX30 CUV just to get more sales stateside.

The US is a lot of things but pettyful and sophmoronic are, like many words, not in our vocabulary.

Wait, Kia is planning on launching the GT-Line of enthusiast-friendly versions of their lineup?! What, and they’re going to use the platforms and engines developed for Genesis (which are now off-limits to the Hyundai brand) in order to make their own luxury/sport vehicles while keeping them under the Kia brand?

Wait...no, I’m done waiting! I’ve waited at least *scrolls up* FOUR times already, I’m done! Gimme now!! Well more like gimme four years ago so that I could be buying it right now...irregardless and whatevermore, I’m liking all these new toys coming for us. Especially since anything that isn’t a hybrid is RWD.

**This long-ass post contains nothing but all the completely-new-and-never-ever-attempted sh*t coming into the US from S. Korea before FCA is going to make an all new Dodge Challenger/Charger.

random001 > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 06:39

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I love you, Wobbles, but I think you put Mt. Dew on your big bowl of Sugar Bombs instead of milk, ya hyperactive ferret with an etch-a-sketch...

Wobbles the Mind > random001 11/14/2016 at 07:00

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I’ve been working some crazy stuff with my job. I’m so burned out I had to cut my blinking allotment down by 14% in order to conserve energy! I’m going to finish telling the story about how I got the Amanti and then I’m going on holiday break while I’m still using consonants.

Yeah, reading it now you can tell I’m having group discussions/arguments with myself. That can’t be healthy...

random001 > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 07:02

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Yeah, you are approaching critical mass. Perhaps time to take a break to avoid actually wobbling your mind, man!

jimz > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 07:09

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The reason FCA is delaying the Charger/Challenger is their pointless obsession with trying to resurrect Alfa Romeo.

JohnH3ASP > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 08:02

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Another Korean toy coming to the US soon.

Tapas > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 08:27

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Hyundai’s been talking some big game in the last few auto shows....just like Kia.

To both of them I say, SHOW ME THE PRODUCTION CAR ON THE ST DEALERSHIP LOT. Then I’ll get excited for your brand.

Frenchlicker > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 09:57

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My mind isn’t awake enough to comprehend this. Repost around 5pm while I’m waiting to get a haircut haha.

B/Xmrrmvr > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 11:23

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All I’m going to say is that Kia has been Vaporware/Concept Dilution Champion for a while now and I’m hoping that will change soon.

Kanaric > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 12:25

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They were caught testing a N car on the Nur that was a mid engine hot hatch like a Clio V6. If that hits production they just hit the “i win” button in the hot hatch wars.

Kanaric > jimz 11/14/2016 at 12:26

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Ya pointless obsession and poor execution at it.

When I think Alfa Romeo I don’t think large sedans with automatic transmissions. However I guess that’s 90s+ alfa romeo down pat so nvm.

Wobbles the Mind > Kanaric 11/14/2016 at 12:30

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We’ll see, knowing them it’s probably a tester for a new steering wheel with the chrome deleted...but we shall see.

gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 12:50

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Hyundai had a whole bunch of camoed prototypes testing in Death Valley when the Lemons Rally rolled through in August. Most of them didn’t look too bad, at least what I could see of them.

I hope they do well with the Santa Cruz CUT. It might inspire FCA to actually make something out of this:

But like, with a hard top. Not that FCA would want to release anything anyone wants...

gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 12:51

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Nothing wrong with being devious with your sanity.

Spoon II > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 14:33

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I’d really like that Santa Cruz trucklet

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 20:49

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I’m a big fan of Hyundai/Kia - their turnaround from laughable appliances to good cars has been phenomenal. I think now it’s just a matter of making that one thing special, that one car that connects well with enthusiasts. They’ve clearly got the money-making part down with affordable, reliable DDs from their compact sedans and their crossover/SUVs. However, Hyundai needs to make a good N car, and I’d prefer if they took their time and let the German engineers they’ve poached make it something special. Kia definitely should have made that Trackster thing along with that GT4 Stinger. I don’t want them to go down that route of only making their concept cars desirable and never putting them into production.

I picked up a new Kia a month ago and I love it - it’s fast, comfortable, quiet, and good looking, something that could not be said ten years ago.

boxrocket > Wobbles the Mind 11/14/2016 at 22:28

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The top image looks like a shrunken current Cherokee

P5guy now GTIguy > Wobbles the Mind 11/15/2016 at 00:41

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Do you think the ioniq will hit its mpg target though? From my experience Toyota hybrids usually meet or exceed ratings while other manufacturers cannot come close to the numbers on the window. Then again I’m sure Hyundai can’t afford another number fudging fiasco like they had a couple of years ago.

Jonee > Wobbles the Mind 11/15/2016 at 00:55

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The Hyundai Laughlin. Or, maybe San Bernadino.

CompactLuxuryFan > Wobbles the Mind 11/15/2016 at 01:03

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So far Kia and Hyundai haven’t been that good at putting out new products that are baked the whole way, but they have been really good at iterating and improving quickly. I suspect we’ll see more of the same here, with many of these new lines dying in infancy and others being great in their second or third generations. I’m still excited!

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Wobbles the Mind 11/15/2016 at 11:14

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[maximum wobble]

kiwi_matt > JohnH3ASP 01/26/2017 at 08:29

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Please.